can't stick with it.

i graduated from oshkosh in 2010. i was 23. i went back to school in milwaukee when i was 25. it started with art history. then special education. then nursing.

and now? nursing isn't working out so well. the more classes i attend, the dumber i feel. the more irritated i get with science classes and how the professor don't actually teach. you'd think by now i would have some sort of conviction to pick a major and stick with it.

but no. now my mind is wandering to social work. or art education. or jewelry&metalsmithing. i just don't know. what i do know is that i want to be happy. i want to use my hands. i want to contribute to society in a good way. i want to spill compassion everywhere.

i also want to run away.

my job satisfies me for only a few minutes every day... sometimes more if i get to work on a project creating a new whatever or making something we usually don't sell. i like using my hands. most days it doesn't bother me that i need to soak and massage my hands for a good ten minutes in the morning before they are a functional part of my body. i need more. and i need to use my hands.

i'm certain i obtained that quality from my grandpa. he was always working with his hands, always building or fixing or breaking-on-purpose-to-make-it-better fixing things. he respected anyone who used their hands for a living. he passed away in 2010, but i can still remember how rough and chapped his hands were. how scarred and cut up they were. and how it was okay because he was happy making things or fixing things. he was great and i just want him to be proud of me.

anyway. i really don't know what to do about school. i'm really just fed up with a&p and math. i hate both and nothing is clicking. maybe i need to take a semester off or, at the very least, avoid summer classes.