my mom was 29 years old when i was born. she was 24 when my brother was born. she was married a year (maybe two) before that, making her 23 (or 22). i think by the time chris was born, my parents had already purchased the house we still have.
i'm going to be 28 this year. i have an awful dating track record. i pick really awful partners. i'm losing my job and moving back home. by the time my mom was 28, she was already married, had a house, and had a child while another on the way.
i know i shouldn't compare myself to my mom. i have done things she has never done. i went to college and graduated. i moved out of my parents house. i went back to school again. i've travelled a smidge more than she has (i think she's only been to the poconos, vegas, and calgary vs my alaska, texas, cleveland, multiple trips to chicago that i sorta know my way around, and aruba). i've lived in downtown milwaukee and that's something she is terrified of...
my friends are starting to get engaged, married, buy houses, have kids. even my friends from college are finding jobs in their fields or going to grad school. i feel like i'm falling behind the curve. like i'm somehow below average because i haven't quite figured out my life.
i shouldn't compare myself to others. sometimes i just can't help it.
and then i have to remember, the things those people want are not the same as me. i don't want to get married. i'm not sure about kids. i want to travel without worrying. i might want a house- but i want a small house and i want it to be built for me. i'm not sure if i want to live in the city and enjoy all it has to offer or if i want to move out into the country and enjoy the peace while i garden, sit on a swing, or lay in the grass. i'm not sure if i want to open a catering business or become a social worker or just work some crappy job that allows me to pay my bills and get me to places i want to go.
i have to remember not to compare myself. not to my friends. and not my mother. she never wanted me to be like her. she wants me to be better. happy.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
just some thoughts&stuff.
i'm taking a sociology class this semester. it's u-paced, which means i can go at my own pace. the only deadline is may 16th, which is the last day of the semester. all the quizzes must be completed by that date. i got a letter in the mail in march from the sociology department/my professor saying that because i haven't started any of the quizzes, that i should meet with my TA to establish a plan for completing everything on time. it's a 100 level class. hell, it's an intro to sociology class! i took soc classes in oshkosh. i don't need a week to learn two chapters. i started two days ago. so far, so good. two days ago, if i completed one quiz each day, i would finish ON the 16th. tonight i hammered out two quizzes, so i've given myself an extra day or two in case one chapter is particularly hard or i decide i'd rather nap than read about sociology. you have to do at least 14 quizzes to get a D- and each quiz you do after that bumps your grade up by a half (plus, minus, solid). there's 24 quizzes total and i think i can totally get at least a B by the end of the semester, if not an A if i stick to my one quiz a day schedule.
i've been thinking a lot about doing my own catering business. i spent a good hour looking at food truck images on pinterest and books on amazon. i sent an email to danny's friend/my new friend/my work's health inspector to see if she could get me some information on how catering works, food trucks, etc. two things can happen once i see these documents and requirements: i'll either cry and give up or it'll seem doable once i have the money to start everything up. the mayor of west allis said he would help me find a loan to start a bakery in west allis, which would be super awesome. but we'll see.
have i mentioned i'm going to switch to social work? holly tried to convince me not to do it. i'm not doing very well in anatomy&physiology. i could retake it over the summer... but i'm also going to be faced with chemistry, pharmacology, and other things that i KNOW are going to be so so sooo hard for me to understand, memorize, and do. so i'm going with social work. i'm still feeling my way around to see what area i'd like to slip into.
i also applied for a job at the west allis health department for a WIC clerk. i really hope i get the job! the application end date is this coming monday. i should hear in maybe three-four weeks if i'm qualified and be invited in for an interview and all the testing they do. fingers crossed. for $15+ an hour, i'll even put my school plans on hold!
anyway, i should crawl into bed. i have to be at work in less than six hours, which means less than five hours of sleep!
i've been thinking a lot about doing my own catering business. i spent a good hour looking at food truck images on pinterest and books on amazon. i sent an email to danny's friend/my new friend/my work's health inspector to see if she could get me some information on how catering works, food trucks, etc. two things can happen once i see these documents and requirements: i'll either cry and give up or it'll seem doable once i have the money to start everything up. the mayor of west allis said he would help me find a loan to start a bakery in west allis, which would be super awesome. but we'll see.
have i mentioned i'm going to switch to social work? holly tried to convince me not to do it. i'm not doing very well in anatomy&physiology. i could retake it over the summer... but i'm also going to be faced with chemistry, pharmacology, and other things that i KNOW are going to be so so sooo hard for me to understand, memorize, and do. so i'm going with social work. i'm still feeling my way around to see what area i'd like to slip into.
i also applied for a job at the west allis health department for a WIC clerk. i really hope i get the job! the application end date is this coming monday. i should hear in maybe three-four weeks if i'm qualified and be invited in for an interview and all the testing they do. fingers crossed. for $15+ an hour, i'll even put my school plans on hold!
anyway, i should crawl into bed. i have to be at work in less than six hours, which means less than five hours of sleep!
Saturday, April 19, 2014
if someone was to purpose to me...
i was engaged once. i was in college. my boyfriend and i had been dating for nine months- six of those months he had been away at boot camp and tech school for the air force. he was home for my birthday and christmas. the day after christmas we were watching a movie in my apartment and i started to cry because i didn't want him to leave again. he sat on the floor while i laid on the couch. he turned around and asked if i would marry him. i said yes. four months later i got my ring (which i still have). we ended up calling it off and parted ways.
been i've been thinking. if i were to ever get engaged again, i would like something like the following to happen:
i want my significant other to lend me a copy of their favorite love story (or has a small plot where two people are devoted to each other or someone devotes themselves to something). and i hope i like the book. i want them to get another copy after i give them back their copy. i want them to cut a hole in the middle of the book and put a ring in there and give me the book. i think that would be sweet. so sweet.
but if i do ever find someone who fits well with me, i'm sure they'll have their own way to ask, if they do. and i'll take it because i'll obviously fit with them and want to be with them too.
been i've been thinking. if i were to ever get engaged again, i would like something like the following to happen:
i want my significant other to lend me a copy of their favorite love story (or has a small plot where two people are devoted to each other or someone devotes themselves to something). and i hope i like the book. i want them to get another copy after i give them back their copy. i want them to cut a hole in the middle of the book and put a ring in there and give me the book. i think that would be sweet. so sweet.
but if i do ever find someone who fits well with me, i'm sure they'll have their own way to ask, if they do. and i'll take it because i'll obviously fit with them and want to be with them too.
Friday, April 4, 2014
unsettling uncertainties and unknowns.
i am so sad inside.
yesterday, my co-workers and i received the news that our boss was going to close the shop. the last day our retail counter will be open is may 31. someone else will be renting the kitchen after that date, but they are allowing us to use the kitchen to do the weddings we have booked until the end of august. my boss had to email her brides she had booked for september and october saying that we are closing, but offered the name of someone else who would be able to fulfill the wedding day deserts. with that, the counter girls are out of a job as of may 31. i still have a job thursday-saturday until the end of august. if i heard correctly, my boss is going to pay me roughly what my paychecks are now, even though i will be working less hours because i'm "worth it" according to her and her sister (my other boss).
while one of my co-workers and myself have complained about our jobs and have considered looking for new ones, we definitely didn't like this happened the way it did. the unknown scares us.
and with that, i will be submitting my 60 day notice to my apartment manager. i've already talked to my mom about moving home and she's okay with that. she's going to let me "live" in most of the space on the second floor in her house once i clean out my old room and she reorganizes things. i'm fairly certain she'll pay for movers to move my things out of my 4th floor studio, but i'll probably have to pay for a storage unit. ideally i won't be living at home for more than, oh, six months. but the unknown of how much money i'll actually be bringing in mixed with finding a job that is flexible with my school schedule... who knows.
i'm deeply saddened that everything is going to be gone soon. my heart is a little broken. my mom is giving me just enough pity to make me feel like my feelings are valid, but not enough to make me feel like i'm a victim (which is a good thing). danny, however, hasn't really given much thought into how i am feeling about leaving MCC and the uncertainties that are soon to follow. i'm considering doing some side business catering once my run at MCC is over. i asked danny what he though and all he had to say was that i would be overwhelmed. my mom came the suggestion from a more practical angle, questioning where i would do this, how, the money, etc.
i should have known something crappy was going to happen. i started making plans for a vacation this summer because we were supposed to be closed july 3-7th. i wanted to get some tattoos that i've been wanting for years. i even started to make a dent in my credit card debt. poof. all gone. i can't even justify getting my small tattoo because that's at least $80 i could have saved. being an adult sucks.
i guess we'll see what happens though. for now, i'll just keep on truckin' with school and what is left of my job before it becomes super duper part time.
yesterday, my co-workers and i received the news that our boss was going to close the shop. the last day our retail counter will be open is may 31. someone else will be renting the kitchen after that date, but they are allowing us to use the kitchen to do the weddings we have booked until the end of august. my boss had to email her brides she had booked for september and october saying that we are closing, but offered the name of someone else who would be able to fulfill the wedding day deserts. with that, the counter girls are out of a job as of may 31. i still have a job thursday-saturday until the end of august. if i heard correctly, my boss is going to pay me roughly what my paychecks are now, even though i will be working less hours because i'm "worth it" according to her and her sister (my other boss).
while one of my co-workers and myself have complained about our jobs and have considered looking for new ones, we definitely didn't like this happened the way it did. the unknown scares us.
and with that, i will be submitting my 60 day notice to my apartment manager. i've already talked to my mom about moving home and she's okay with that. she's going to let me "live" in most of the space on the second floor in her house once i clean out my old room and she reorganizes things. i'm fairly certain she'll pay for movers to move my things out of my 4th floor studio, but i'll probably have to pay for a storage unit. ideally i won't be living at home for more than, oh, six months. but the unknown of how much money i'll actually be bringing in mixed with finding a job that is flexible with my school schedule... who knows.
i'm deeply saddened that everything is going to be gone soon. my heart is a little broken. my mom is giving me just enough pity to make me feel like my feelings are valid, but not enough to make me feel like i'm a victim (which is a good thing). danny, however, hasn't really given much thought into how i am feeling about leaving MCC and the uncertainties that are soon to follow. i'm considering doing some side business catering once my run at MCC is over. i asked danny what he though and all he had to say was that i would be overwhelmed. my mom came the suggestion from a more practical angle, questioning where i would do this, how, the money, etc.
i should have known something crappy was going to happen. i started making plans for a vacation this summer because we were supposed to be closed july 3-7th. i wanted to get some tattoos that i've been wanting for years. i even started to make a dent in my credit card debt. poof. all gone. i can't even justify getting my small tattoo because that's at least $80 i could have saved. being an adult sucks.
i guess we'll see what happens though. for now, i'll just keep on truckin' with school and what is left of my job before it becomes super duper part time.
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