a few things...
i got an A in nursing research. hooray for me.
i never did buy that little red bike.
i have two weeks left of my social work class.
i'm doing pretty well in it. but i don't think i want to be a social worker.
my math class goes until mid-august.
i'm not sure why i thought it ended in three weeks, but i wish it did.
a&p2 starts on tuesday.
i've had a headache/migraine since last week sunday.
i should probably go to the doctor now.
i still haven't unpacked from moving.
and that's about it.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
procrastination thought vomit.
i am 100% procrastinating.
i have a powerpoint presentation with voiceover due by noon on thursday for my nursing research class. i also have to find five articles for my desired topic and do an evidence table and some other stuff. i haven't started any of it. i just don't want to.
so here i am. it's 10pm. at 830 i told myself i was going to start this. then suddenly it was 9. then 930. that's when i pulled out the information for this assignment and looked at it. i made a table in my microsoft word knock off... and then i decided i needed a break...?
so i've made a deal with myself. if i can get my five articles, the evidence table, the abstracts together, create my narrative, write my references in APA, and just start the powerpoint all before i decide to crash for the night, i am going to buy myself that beautiful red bike i saw over the weekend (as long as it's still there and is the correct size). so... that's the plan.
in other news, my mom and i purchased new cell phones. i dropped my phone about two months ago and it stopped fully charging. this past weekend it wouldn't charge past 20% and it would die almost immediately. we ended up getting iPhones- i used to have a samsung galaxy s2, my mom had a crazy basic pantech phone. the iPhone isn't bad. i don't know what makes it so awesome though. maybe i don't have the right apps yet.
spawning from my new phone joy, danny asked me how much my phone was. it was a little over $500. at&t has this thing were you can pay for it over time instead of upfront. i don't know if they got rid of the $200 buying the phone outright program; that wasn't even offered to my mom and i. my mom claims that her at&t buddy joel said they had gotten rid of the program, but the website wasn't updated? regardless, we had already signed our contracts and blah blah blah. danny kept going on about how we shouldn't have done that, saying how he was just trying to help me save money because he knows how i don't have a lot, etc etc. i just ended up getting pissed. first of all, he doesn't know how much money i have. it's true i don't make a lot of money. but i also have a stash of stupid visa credit card gift cards laying around. i'm also getting my security deposit back from my studio. so RIGHT THERE is the cost of my phone and then some. second, the contract was ALREADY SIGNED. it was done and over with. there was no point in continuing the conversation on something that had already been finalized. so i told him to stop talking about it. eventually it ended up being a fight where he told me i was "cold" and i tried to defend my position by logically saying that the contract was already signed and there was nothing else to discuss. he just kept repeating that i was cold and that i shouldn't contact him again because he just can't deal with my responses and if this is how i'm going to respond to someone just trying to help me then he doesn't want to talk to me. i didn't respond.
in fact, i deleted his number and his texts from my phone. i have a feeling he did the same. my number used to be listed on Facebook, so even if he did delete my number, he could always find it again without asking his siblings... until today when i removed it. his number is still on Facebook, but the likelihood that i'm going to seek out his number while i'm out and about is very unlikely.
i just can't deal with his on again off again friendship. he's too fucking sensitive. he can't take criticism. he can't see how he treats or speaks to people and how it sometimes comes off as rude and condescending. yes, i can be a bitch. yes, sometimes i just don't give a fuck or i don't have the patience to deal with someone who is acting childish. sometimes i, myself, act childish or silly. but to say that i'm cold? to say that i need to watch my tone? woah buddy, you better check yourself. i told myself that the next time he pulls this "we can't be friends" thing, it's over for me. friendship over. and i'm fairly certain this is it. and i feel almost okay with it... but part of me is like "eeehhhhh, maybe i'll just text him to see how it is. maybe i'll send him a picture of my cats. maybe he'll want to go for a bike ride this weekend."
but honestly, maybe it's better he steps out of my life. i can focus on school without having to make time for him. i can continue on with my double major without anyone questioning or suggesting or even stating that this is too much. hell, maybe i'll even lose all the weight i ended up gaining when i started to date him. i know i can be happy without him. i just think it's a shame to have spent almost two years with someone only to throw a friendship away since the relationship failed.
and that's another thing! he's constantly asking if i can see myself dating him again. and when things like this happen, no. no i cannot. and frankly i'm not sure i would want to date him again. i don't know if i'd want to marry him. i think that after all the fights and the take-backs, i'm just worn out. when i think about my future, i can see myself alone. i can see myself living out in the country in a little cottage with a small garden. i can see a sort of hazy child- could be biological, could be adopted, could even be ava or liam. who knows. but right now i don't see any partner. i don't see danny. i see myself and i look content with my life choices.
ANYWAY. homework.
i have a powerpoint presentation with voiceover due by noon on thursday for my nursing research class. i also have to find five articles for my desired topic and do an evidence table and some other stuff. i haven't started any of it. i just don't want to.
so here i am. it's 10pm. at 830 i told myself i was going to start this. then suddenly it was 9. then 930. that's when i pulled out the information for this assignment and looked at it. i made a table in my microsoft word knock off... and then i decided i needed a break...?
so i've made a deal with myself. if i can get my five articles, the evidence table, the abstracts together, create my narrative, write my references in APA, and just start the powerpoint all before i decide to crash for the night, i am going to buy myself that beautiful red bike i saw over the weekend (as long as it's still there and is the correct size). so... that's the plan.
in other news, my mom and i purchased new cell phones. i dropped my phone about two months ago and it stopped fully charging. this past weekend it wouldn't charge past 20% and it would die almost immediately. we ended up getting iPhones- i used to have a samsung galaxy s2, my mom had a crazy basic pantech phone. the iPhone isn't bad. i don't know what makes it so awesome though. maybe i don't have the right apps yet.
spawning from my new phone joy, danny asked me how much my phone was. it was a little over $500. at&t has this thing were you can pay for it over time instead of upfront. i don't know if they got rid of the $200 buying the phone outright program; that wasn't even offered to my mom and i. my mom claims that her at&t buddy joel said they had gotten rid of the program, but the website wasn't updated? regardless, we had already signed our contracts and blah blah blah. danny kept going on about how we shouldn't have done that, saying how he was just trying to help me save money because he knows how i don't have a lot, etc etc. i just ended up getting pissed. first of all, he doesn't know how much money i have. it's true i don't make a lot of money. but i also have a stash of stupid visa credit card gift cards laying around. i'm also getting my security deposit back from my studio. so RIGHT THERE is the cost of my phone and then some. second, the contract was ALREADY SIGNED. it was done and over with. there was no point in continuing the conversation on something that had already been finalized. so i told him to stop talking about it. eventually it ended up being a fight where he told me i was "cold" and i tried to defend my position by logically saying that the contract was already signed and there was nothing else to discuss. he just kept repeating that i was cold and that i shouldn't contact him again because he just can't deal with my responses and if this is how i'm going to respond to someone just trying to help me then he doesn't want to talk to me. i didn't respond.
in fact, i deleted his number and his texts from my phone. i have a feeling he did the same. my number used to be listed on Facebook, so even if he did delete my number, he could always find it again without asking his siblings... until today when i removed it. his number is still on Facebook, but the likelihood that i'm going to seek out his number while i'm out and about is very unlikely.
i just can't deal with his on again off again friendship. he's too fucking sensitive. he can't take criticism. he can't see how he treats or speaks to people and how it sometimes comes off as rude and condescending. yes, i can be a bitch. yes, sometimes i just don't give a fuck or i don't have the patience to deal with someone who is acting childish. sometimes i, myself, act childish or silly. but to say that i'm cold? to say that i need to watch my tone? woah buddy, you better check yourself. i told myself that the next time he pulls this "we can't be friends" thing, it's over for me. friendship over. and i'm fairly certain this is it. and i feel almost okay with it... but part of me is like "eeehhhhh, maybe i'll just text him to see how it is. maybe i'll send him a picture of my cats. maybe he'll want to go for a bike ride this weekend."
but honestly, maybe it's better he steps out of my life. i can focus on school without having to make time for him. i can continue on with my double major without anyone questioning or suggesting or even stating that this is too much. hell, maybe i'll even lose all the weight i ended up gaining when i started to date him. i know i can be happy without him. i just think it's a shame to have spent almost two years with someone only to throw a friendship away since the relationship failed.
and that's another thing! he's constantly asking if i can see myself dating him again. and when things like this happen, no. no i cannot. and frankly i'm not sure i would want to date him again. i don't know if i'd want to marry him. i think that after all the fights and the take-backs, i'm just worn out. when i think about my future, i can see myself alone. i can see myself living out in the country in a little cottage with a small garden. i can see a sort of hazy child- could be biological, could be adopted, could even be ava or liam. who knows. but right now i don't see any partner. i don't see danny. i see myself and i look content with my life choices.
ANYWAY. homework.
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